I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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