so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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