when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
