just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize