Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize