I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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