apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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