Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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