your room smells of hookers.
And success
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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