I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize