turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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