I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I love you.
Bad choice
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
