Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
