Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
