should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
