i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The uberlube is also flammable
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
