so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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