i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
3 2 1 whiskey
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
