i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
