K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
