I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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