i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
