i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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