I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
