YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
