I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
