Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
