I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
