She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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