R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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