i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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