He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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