I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
