and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was born a porn star she said
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
