how can u be prego again
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
