When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
