Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
be right there i have to get my cape
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
