you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
