were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
