How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
