i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
