you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
