so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
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i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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