Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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