If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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