he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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