tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
