so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
His hands were made for my vagina.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
