we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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