Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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