its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday