So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?