dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.