Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities