I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need to sanitize my soul.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.