Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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