So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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