I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
