Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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