Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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