just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
