sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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