We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
