he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
