And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
