I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i believe in u and ur pee
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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