Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
